APRIL'S TOP TEN LIST
TOP TEN REASONS FOR JEFFERSON'S POPULATION DECLINE
10. Incorrect census counts in 1970, 1980, 1990, and 2000
9. "Million Man March" depleted population
8. Everybody migrating to beautiful Fort Dodge, Iowa
7. People upset over results of last mayoral contest
6. Wonderbra shortage
5. Many citizens frightened by John Rowland's hair
4. Social security numbers now required for government aid
3. People want to be within shooting distance of White House
2. Wet Goods now serving really, really, really Old Milwaukee
1. Four-digit cholesterol