MARCH'S TOP TEN LIST

TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE JEFFERSON A NICER PLACE TO LIVE

10. Start enforcing "no public urination" rule

9. Remake Country Club into homeless shelter

8. Add mural to side of Mahanay Tower

7. Remove dead cats from city water supply

6. Install skyboxes at Linduska Field

5. Remove strategically-located stop signs at every other corner

4. Ultra-modern super-speed monorail

3. Reduce carbon footprint by feeding cattle less fiber

2. Eliminate downtown traffic congestion by creating series of intricate one-way streets

1. Re-open A & W