NEWFANGLED RABBIT EARS MAKE CABLE TV OBSOLETE

Local Jefferson resident Lynn Harmon was tinkering around his garage one day last week when he happened upon a discovery that very easily could revolutionize the way we view television in the twenty-first century. As many other Jefferson residents may have noticed, the average TV reception greatly diminishes in quality when not hooked up to cable or satellite.

 When he recently received a new flat-screen plasma TV for his birthday, Lynn plugged it in, only to find no picture displayed, regardless of the channel he selected. When he complained to the salesman at Pamida, he was told that an attachment to cable or satellite was required. Fully aware of the unreliability of cable and/or satellite hookups, he balked at this idea.

 Then, one night while at home, a large chunk of aluminum foil fell off of his wall (where it is kept in place throughout the interior of his home), It happened to lodge against the external antennae connections on the TV and he was suddenly able to actually view several episodes of Saved By the Bell on a channel for free.

 After many hours of experimentation, Lynn has constructed a device replicating that feat virtually indefinitely. The shape of this contraption has prompted Lynn to casually refer to it as “rabbit ears”. Apparently, he is in the process of attempting to patent this new invention. If he is successful, this may spell the end of both cable TV and satellite TV as we now know it.

Spokesmen for Mediacom, when contacted, scoffed at the idea that TV reception can be obtained at absolutely no charge. They state that this myth was dispelled in the late 70’s and insisted on sending us several low-cost alternatives which they naturally provide