The Jefferson Iowa News®

 

  Bell Tower Planning Committee Holds Annual Meeting

By Tar Tarkus –

The “Bell Tower Planning” committee invited me to their meeting at Wet Goods last Saturday night. The committee is comprised of Bob Fitzgerald, Laura Willburn, Jeff Hammerand, and Ken Schreck. We all met at Wet Goods at 7:30 PM and promptly ordered nachos and two pitchers of beer (complements of Ken Schreck). Once again, the food and atmosphere were excellent.

Bob Fitzgerald, committee chair, opened discussions by attempting to set a time and date for this year's festivities. "Thank you all for coming tonight. What I would like to do, with Laura's help, of course, <applause>
Thank you. Where was I? I would like to consider ideas for moving the date of the Bell Tower Festival. <silence> Now I know that this will not be popular. But I will lay out our reasons for moving the festival <silence>
After hearing these ideas you will see that this is just the "shot-in-the-arm" that the Bell Tower needs. Okay?

"Laura, could you hand me the wallboards? Thank you. Did I mention that Laura helped me with these? She, in fact, did almost all of the artwork. She's pretty and talented. <applause> I'll start with board number one. Can everybody see this okay? Where did Ken go? Pass those nachos down to this end. This first board is entitled 'Bell Tower - Come celebrate after the parade in Perry'. This would take place July 4th. This is a can't miss. What do you think? <silence>

Ken - "Hey who the <expletive> ate my nachos? Have we voted on the next round yet?
Bob - Okay, let's just take a look at board number two. I think this one is just as good or better. It's called "Pufferbilly Alternatives - no one has been killed in a fiery train collision at Bell Tower". Pretty good, huh?
This would move us into September when we're all really bored."

Jeff - "Has anyone been killed at Pufferbilly Days? I didn't hear about that".
Bob - "Well, no. But those trains have to be dangerous."
Ken - "And what about those kids that keep getting their fingers blown off trashing toilets with M-80's?"
Laura - "Thanks, Ken."
Jeff - "I dunno ... sounds a little iffy."

Bob - Okay, you're right. Here's board number three. "Bell Tower - October 25-26 - the Other Iowa Octoberfest"! Both Laura and I really like this one. We cleverly avoid Waukee's Wauktoberfest! That would be suicide."
Ken - "Look, here's the next <expletive> round. As long as you don't try and compete with Bouton's Sauerkraut Days, you have my vote. Laura, can I speak to you privately in the restroom?"
Jeff - "I'm still not sure ..."
Bob - "The only other weekend available would put us in competition with Carroll"s Crazy Days."
Ken - My <expletive><expletive> ran off with some <expletive> guy from Carroll. <Expletive> that. Why can't we just sling our <expletive> women over our shoulders like they do with the bar wenches in Decorah during Scandinavian Days?"

Fourth Wallboard - "Jefferson Bell Tower - Second Week in June - same thing, same place, same time. Why change?"
Bob - "Let's try to get a vote on this. Laura, can't you count these votes up? As Tony Andrusyk always said, there are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't"

Tars Tarkus