I'm
going to take time out of my busy day and try to get across to all of
you out there how e-mails work! And don't tell me you already know,
because I can tell by the crap I get every day that you don't! All you
have to do is follow the following four rules of e-mail etiquette and
suddenly people will treat you like a whole new person! That's right -
they will no longer consider you a club-wielding, loin cloth-wearing
Java Man with a computer!Rule #1 - QUIT SENDING ME JOKES!!! Why do otherwise sane people get on their computer and suddenly become Jack Benny (who is not funny, by the way)? And to make it worse, these guys even have pre-configured "buddy" lists enabling them to bore multitudes of people at once, with one button! They might even think it's clever to include attachments that you have to wait to be downloaded - IT"S NOT! Does anyone actually wait for these things? You really have time for that? I'm sure there are people out there who have purchased computers and that is all they use them for. Christ! The next time you get the urge to pass along all of this wit, don't!
Rule #2 - Why are some people (men and women alike) sending e-mails with fancy backgrounds and/or fonts?!? What the hell is the purpose of that? You really had time to waste choosing textures, images, and pastels? You need to spend more time getting your work done! Would you send me a letter on stationary like that? Of course not! When a guy sends me crap like that I instantly identify him as gay. And guess what? We all have fonts to choose from! Try letting your computer do it for you like everyone else.
Rule #3 - Why in Sam Hell is it so difficult for some of you to answer the e-mails you get in a timely fashion? Is it that hard to invest three minutes a day into checking them? I'll bet you don't have trouble setting aside an hour for lunch! You can spend an hour or more a day on the phone handling private calls but it takes you days to respond to a simple e-mail (which takes less time than a phone call)! Here's an idea - next time you expect me to return your phone call, wait until I get my e-mail answered - and not with a joke!
Rule #4 - QUIT USING ALL CAPITAL LETTERS TO EMPHASIZE YOUR POINT! NOBODY LIKES TO BE YELLED AT! I'LL DO ALL THE YELLING AROUND HERE!
So now that you know all about sending e-mails, you probably are saying, "I already knew all that stuff!" Why don't we just find out? Click on the following link to take a short quiz. You'll see how little about the subject you really know!
Link - I Don't Even Know How E-mails Work, So There!
Click here to visit the entire Bass Archives
Orville K. Bass, American
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