Jefferson
Iowa News has learned that rural Greene county resident Bigfoot has
arrived in Washington, DC in order to take part in the inaugural
festivities of our newest white house occupant, Barack Obama.
Apparently, Bigfoot made the short list of celebrities and movers and
was chosen to represent Greene County at several inaugural functions in
the DC area.As far as our reporters can tell, Bigfoot would appear to be the only local citizen invited to attend the numerous black-tie affairs which attend the usual inaugural functions.
If you remember, Bigfoot was an early supporter of Obama and campaigned diligently for him during the Iowa caucuses. The pair were often seen together, focusing public awareness on the plight of minorities among the electorate.
It remains to be seen if Bigfoot will be offered a cabinet position within the new administration. His name has recently surfaced in connection with the Department of the Interior, or possibly the head of the INS. Newly selected Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack has suggested that Bigfoot could play a pivotal role in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms.
Bigfoot has an extensive history of abuse in all three of those categories, and his experience should not be ignored. He was abusing alcohol, tobacco, and firearms (among other things) before many of the already-appointed staff were born.
Bigfoot will be staying in the DC area for the next several days, although he is keeping his itinerary fairly quiet, as the paparazzi are relentless when he is spotted, and he wants to maintain a lower profile than the president-elect. He has informed us that he was denied admission to premium accommodations in the DC area based solely on discrimination - a topic that the new administration feels quite strongly about.
Bigfoot stated that he sees no reason whatsoever that he should be denied access to places that the incoming president is allowed, even though his distant relatives were, in fact, slave owners.
This web site will follow up on Bigfoot's movements over the next few days and report any developments.
Rick Bland, 01-17-2009