All
Jefferson residents are being strongly urged to complete the recent
census forms mailed last week. As a small rural town, census data is
vital to the everyday maintenance of many local conveniences usually
taken for granted. Just as in 2000 and 1990, local community leaders are
actively coaching residents in the art of properly filling out their
census form in a way which most benefits Jefferson. "It is absolutely
critical that Jefferson's population remains at 1980 levels," stated one
business owner who preferred to remain anonymous. "It's getting more
difficult each census to reach the 4,600 population figure. With the
loss of most of our industry and school class sizes dropping by 5% every
year, we must let people know exactly what they must do to prop up our
population numbers." He then added, "Accurately, of course."The federal government distributes much of its $400 billion each year based on census data. Infrastructure, like hospitals, roads and bridges, senior centers, and schools are built and maintained based on how many people live in each area. In Jefferson's case, a decline in population might be disastrous. "Even though we have dropped from five grocery stores in Jefferson to one in the entire county, I'm proud to say that we have managed to remain at 1980 population levels," a local construction manager claimed.
The 2010 census form may prove to be an obstacle, however. It is becoming more difficult to claim family members in college, the military, nursing homes, or in prison - methods which were previously quite effective. However, other ideas are being offered up for Jefferson residents. It has been suggested that one may be able to list people who happen to be visiting at the time the form is filled out. This will work especially well if the form is filled out during a family reunion, for instance. People are also being encouraged to claim as residents their pets, their children's imaginary playmates, anyone recently deceased but not yet buried, and any multiple personalities within your family. And, of course, any unborn babies. Farmers this time around are being asked to count all of their livestock as family members. For example, in the above photo, you will notice 6 (six) Jefferson residents.
Submitted by Spencer Straight (04-05-10)