The Jefferson Iowa News®

 

  Newly Appointed Steering Committee Meets to Discuss JSPC Name Changes

By Tar Tarkus –

I was fortunate enough to be on hand at the most recent meeting of a group of local civic leaders while they discussed the inevitable name changes needed for the ever-changing Jefferson school district. Attending the meeting were: Bob Fitzgerald, Laura Willburn, Jeff Hammerand, Ken Schreck, and Ron Hurley (representing the school system).

Bob - "I'd like to welcome Ron to tonight's meeting. He will be providing input from the school board. Now that everyone has had a few drinks, I'd like to open the meeting by giving Ron a chance to speak."
Ron - "Thanks, Bob. Thanks to all of you for having me here today. I do not want to take valuable time from your normal committee activities, so I'll be brief. The school board has created a focus group and appointed me chairman."
Laura - "You mean chairperson."
Ron - "Thank you. Chairperson."
Laura - "You're very welcome, Don."
Ron - "Ron."
Jeff - "Who?"
Laura - "Please pay attention, Don is talking."
Ron - "Ron."
Laura - "Oh, I thought his name was Jeff. Sorry, Ron. I've been calling you Jeff since last spring. I feel so stupid."
Jeff - Apology accepted, Laura. And no need to feel stupid."
Ron - "Anyway - I came here to sort of get some feedback on an important issue with the school system. We're just putting out some "feelers", so to speak. Some of us have decided that it is time to consider renaming the school district. After all, it's not just Jefferson and Scranton kids there anymore. We now have students from all of the towns in Greene County."
Ken - "Even Scranton?"
Ron - "Of course - many kids from Scranton."
Ken - "When did that happen?"
Bob - "Oh, I don't know - maybe 25 years ago! Do you even live here, Ken?"
Ken (to waitress) - "Set us up again - this may take a while."
Jeff - "Hey, lay off Ken. I don't know about the rest of you, but I don't give a rat's ass about Scranton. What a dump."
Laura - "Please, Ron. There's no need to be disparaging about Scranton. After all, my mother-in-law is from Scranton."
Ken - "Yeah, and when she moved to the nursing home here in town Scranton's entire weight dropped in half."
Laura - "I've never."
Bob - "Jesus Christ, Ken. Jeff - shut the hell up for five minutes, okay? Jesus H. Christ. This is the last time we wait until after the second round to start this damned meeting. Now, please Ron, go ahead."
Ron - "Well, anyway, we have thought long and hard outside the box on this and are kind of proud of the name we have come up with. How about 'Greene County High School'?" What does everyone think?"
Jeff - "Would they still be called the Rams?"
Ron - "Well, actually, that is another change. It just doesn't seem to be fair to use 'Rams'. We were thinking something along the lines of 'Fair-Minded'."
Laura - "That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And I listen to that idiot Ken once a month, so I've heard some crap you wouldn't believe. The Fair-Minded - are you retarded or something?"
Bob - "Laura, seriously. Let's show Ron a little respect here.
Laura - "How about you shut your pie hole and get me another cosmopolitan?"
Jeff - "This is my last meeting. I swear to God."
Ken - "Sorry, I just got back from the can. Anything happen? Oh yeah, here's your cosmo, hot stuff."
Laura - "Thanks. Hey, anyone want to see my tattoos? We'll have to go outside behind the building - I'm not about to whip out one of the "sisters" in front of the whole bar, you know."
Bob - "Thank you for coming here, Ron. I think that about does it for this meeting. Christ."

Tars Tarkus