Dissatisfied with local politics as usual in Jefferson, new resident Cygor-Claw has vowed to do something about it. Even though he has resided in Jefferson for a mere three days, he is completely unhappy with the direction the city is taking as he perceives it.
Cygor-Claw
states that "the complete and total elimination of all human life forms"
should be the number one goal of the city council. The current mayor has
completely failed to address this issue. As a result, he is starting a
drive for signatures to petition the recall of the current mayor. In
Jefferson fifty signatures are required to achieve a recall election, in
which Cygor-Claw would presumably be a candidate.We are currently unsure of how many valid signatures he has managed to obtain, however, as each signed petitioner was subsequently assimilated into the cyborg race.
Cygor-Claw seems to face an uphill battle to gain control, however, as presently his approval rating is standing at only 41%. He does seem to be doing well among the Republican base, but must find a way to attract those who jumped ship and voted for Obama. He recently has upgraded his talking points, now stating that he is for "the complete and utter destruction of the entire human race - and no new taxes."
This will undoubtedly shore up his base, but we asked him via phone how he intended on attracting independent voters and Obama supporters. He is hoping his message will be viewed as one of "change - voters want change - and complete assimilation. Negotiation and reasons are unnecessary - resistance is utterly futile - and no taxes on capital gains."
He stated that he is prepared to offer a limited economic stimulus package to current Jefferson residents.
"All current human life forms must report to city hall to receive complete assimilation - and a check." Local residents appear to be finding this an attractive choice, as overnight polling shows an uptick in Cygor-Claw's popularity.
Jefferson Iowa News will follow up on these developments if the required number of signatures is obtained and verified in the allotted time period.
submitted by Rick Bland, city editor