JESUS CHRIST SELECTED FOREMAN OF LOCAL JURY

Local Jefferson resident Maynard Wolf was convicted of DUI second offense by a jury of his peers last Tuesday, in courtroom 2 at the Greene County Courthouse. What made his conviction noteworthy, however, was not the trial but the makeup of the jury selected. The twelve men and women selected included Jesus Christ, appearing in response to the jury selection notice he received at his local residence. Mr. Christ has been living in Jefferson for as long as most of us remember, but this was the first time his presence had been requested to serve in this capacity.

His jury selection was strenuously objected to by defense attorneys, arguing that his presence was bound to be prejudicial and would divert attention from the factual aspects of the trial. The judge subsequently ruled that Jesus Christ could not be eliminated from duty for that reason, and further stated that Jesus was more than qualified to help render a just decision, if not simply make a ruling before the trial even took place, being omniscient and all.

Prior to opening arguments, Judge Miner asked Jesus if he would prefer to make a quick, time-saving ruling on guilt (or innocence), thus saving everyone in attendance a lot of time. Jesus Christ responded by stating that he already knew what the outcome of the trial was going to be, and agreed that there was really no reason to go through the steps of a trial. He further said that Mr. Wolf was guilty of the accused crime as well as many others, and cheating on his wife. At that point, the judge concluded the proceedings with a finding of guilty, and stated that no more comments from Christ were needed.

The court's ruling has been appealed.   

Deb Hoover, community life editor