In
keeping with New Years' resolutions, and based partially on the
discovery that over 75% of JSPC's high school students are currently
overweight, school administrators will be adopting new guidelines
regarding the school lunch program.Beginning February 1, all vending machines will be removed from the high school, including the restaurant area. The only vending machines that will be allowed after that time will be condom machines.
All fatty foods will be removed from the menus, and only healthy meals will be served to the students. Likewise, high-cholesterol foods, foods with excessive sugar content, and basically any foods that taste good will also be replaced with healthier, politically-correct nutritional substitutes.
Listed below is a typical week's previous lunch menus, followed by the new, updated replacement meals:
Monday - Chipped beef gravy over biscuits, french fries smothered in cheese, cherry pie, milk.
Replaced By - wheat bun with mango ketchup and lettuce, zucchini slices, 3 oz. trail mix, rice milk.
Tuesday - Supreme pizza with Italian sausage, battered onion rings, cheesecake with whipped cream, milk.
Replaced By - low-fat mozzarella on half-bagel, dried banana chips, plain yogurt, soy milk.
Wednesday - Meat loaf, hush puppies, glazed doughnuts, milk.
Replaced By - 4 oz. tofu turkey strip, half cup wheat germ, garlic hummus, water.
Thursday - Fried chicken, dressing, chocolate cake, Snickers bar, milk.
Replaced By - melba toast, unflavored rice cake, dried grapefruit wedges, evaporated skim milk.
Friday - Four Ho Ho's, three ding-dongs, peanut brittle, ice cream sandwich, milk.
Replaced By - Bean sprouts, 4 oz flax seeds, mustard greens, prune juice.
As many of these new items are not currently available locally, school lunch prices are expected to rise about 50%. This, of course is a small price to pay when considering your child's health.
Spencer Straight, 01-08-2009